How do i get home
by peter.obrian1
Summary: My life is turned on a heel, now i your average human, have to survive in a world where, wielding elements, and lifting trees is considered normal. What am i gonna do, how will i get back home. Follow my adventure.
1. Chapter 1

AN, This is a self insert, me being inserted into Naruto, your human pal, lets see how he does.

Chapter 1

I had no clue this was going to occur, today started out like any other day. I woke up, took my medicine at around 8.00 am, I have Bipolar disorder and ADHD. The medicine was given to me by my mum, i'm a lazy fucker, on a day that isn't a school day. So to be sure that I take my medicine, she wakes up gets my meds, gets a drink of water and comes to wake me up.

Now by wake up, I mean i'm awake enough to just tilt my head up to receive my medicine, yeh i'm a real lazy motherfucker. Probably lazy enough to give Shikamaru a run for his money. But i'm probably boring you aren't I. You don't want to know what happened to me this morning, you want to know whats happening now.

Well I'll happily tell you, I have quite literally, jumped dimensions, fuck knows how I got here. To this whacked up universe, a universe I love to write about. The universe of Naruto. I'm telling you I've done some crazy shit in the past, try and long board on a skateboard, check, almost get hit by a car doing said crazy stunt, check, did I mention this was my first time on the board. Yeh i'm kinda an adrenaline junkie. I learned to walk before I could crawl, then when I learned to crawl, I did nothing but crawl.

So as I stare at the gigantic trees, that make up the forest of Konoha, you can probably understand what i'm now feeling. I'm normally quite calm, due to meditation to control my anger, the anger that comes from my ADHD. However even I have my limit, and it has been reached and surpassed, I feel panic clawing at my heart.

I'm just a normal human, in a world where people wield the elements. Where gennin can lift trees, and where the weakest gennin could probably beat the trained athletes of my world. I am far from a trained athlete, I weigh about 125 pounds, stand at about 5'6 and half, I am not bones skinny, but nor am I overly muscular. The bulk of my muscle is in my thighs and calves, which are extremely hairy, i'm often called gorilla due to this hairiness of mine. I guess the bulk of my muscle is in my legs, due to my outdoor life style.

This outdoor lifestyle contributed to my appearance, I have a Mohawk with patterns both sides, a face that would be termed average in this world, I was able to turn heads in mine, only a few mind, but i'm nothing girls would jump over each other to get a look at. My brown eyes look around with a vibrant interest, all traces of my former laziness gone for the moment.

Yes I am lazy, but only for things like college work, and something that bores me, if it is fun or exciting I will do it. But i'm getting off track, yeh I got a short attention span, anyway back to the problem at hand. How am I going to survive in a, world with ninjas. I have no chakra, maybe I can blend in with the civilians, but to do this I have to get to the gate of Konoha, get past the chunin guards, and change my clothes.

Now I can be quite stealthy at times, and it is night, so that works in my favor. The problem I have is what i'm wearing, you see when I was pulled from my world I was dressed in my usual attire, dark blue jeans, a brown belt with a buckle, I loop two chains between the things that hold the belt, a black skull top kinda similar to frank castle's top, except the skull is orange and has metal pieces indented into the top. I also have with me my, black no fear jacket, inside the pockets I carry the essentials, my psp, which I use to play music, a pair of black Phillips head phones I have hanging around ma neck.

My MMA hand wraps, I use these to protect my hands when striking the heavy bag, I heard that this helps to develop stronger hands. In my other jacket pocket is my wallet, inside is about £20, and some change, also at the bottom is my make shift weapon, a broken bike chain, I use this when I feel it is necessary, cheating so what, a fight is won by dealing as much pain as possible.

In the pockets of my jeans I have my bus pass, my college id, 3 dice, a Holland and Barrets card, also in my pocket is my black berry. Kinda useless now though, it probably won't even contact anybody. I mean i'm in a different dimension, no way signals crossing dimensions. I also have a lighter, I used to smoke cigarettes, I once smoked about 50 roll ups in one night, it was a party, I gave up after that. I keep the lighter, as a memento, that and I still smoke weed from time to time.

I reckon i'm about a mile away from the gates of Konoha, well its all or nothing, i'm here for better or for worse, survival is my number one priority. No way i'm dying before I get to test out my new board. I reckon this is god's way of punishing me, who else could have sent me here, question is what did I do to earn his ire. I am quite a sadistic bastard, when I want to be. It could have been any number of things, maybe he just did it for shits and giggles.

I shake my head, I guess ill never know, thing is how am I gonna get back. I shake my head to stop the negative thoughts threatening to creep up on me, I need to concentrate, how will I get passed the guards, I cant try and disguise myself, I have no chakra, I can easily be singled out. But that is only if they see me, an idea blooms, and i begin my trek towards Konoha.

Chapter end.

Ok tell me what you think, now before you ask, the person is me, and has all the skills i currently posses, which is quite a lot, he also possesses my flaws, which is again quite a lot. Bipolar Disorder is mood swings, ADHD is a combination of things, feel free to look them up. Hope you enjoy it, it was extremely easy to write it, as it is based on exactly how i would react if placed in this sort of situation.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It took me about 40 minutes to walk to the Konoha wall, it took me this long because I had to walk not straight at the gate. I can normally walk 2 mile's in 40 minutes. Something I often did to get to the other village where I live, it's quite a hilly walk on the way back. But anyway back to the story at hand, as I stare up at the wall of Konoha, I realize, that there is no way I am climbing over.

Now I am pretty good at climbing, I went climbing recently, scaled the wall 5 times, then played football. The thing is, after my third try, my forearms were burning, and the gate to Konoha is at least 12 stories high. That and it has no holes I can use to climb. If I was a ninja, maybe I could run up it, but I'm not, so I am going to have to find another way in.

I check my phone, it had full battery when I left, it reads, 1:00, meaning it is one in the morning. Now I am stuck, I decide to wait by the gate. It will take too long for me to get to the forest, I'm afraid of big spiders, no way am I going in there, they are probably ones, about 20 meters in height. The forest of death, a place where ninja have been killed by animals before, if a ninja is at risk in there, then I'd probably be dead within minutes.

I mean I don't even have a knife on me, and the lighter I carry is out of gas, I just like to flick it open and then closed, kind of like the person in charge of Hypnos, from Digimon Tamers. As I think I wrap my hands, something I do when i'm bored, or nervous. As I think of how to get in, I come to one conclusion, the only way I can get in, is to go up to the chunin.

If I was to sneak in, I would probably be found anyway. I mean I have no records, and I suck at paperwork. So even as my heart beat gradually rises, I walk step by step towards the gate. I can not see the ninja, but I know they are their. My hand is in my jacket pocket, clenched around the chain I carry. Despite my size I can actually punch pretty hard.

Yes i'm quite small but I used to do karate, before I took up boxing. I am able to take care of myself. I'm capable of pushing a citroen c4 grand picasso also, not far mind, but still I can do it. So despite my size, I am deceptively strong.

I know I cannot match the chunin, but it still helps keep me from panicking, I have never hit anyone as strong as I could before. But as I walk towards the gate, I can feel eyes on me. I won't lie and tell you I feel no fear, because I do. They could kill me in an instant. I am a hairsbreadth away from the gate when I see them, standing tall 6'1 muscular, and intimidating.

They stare into my eyes coldly, I can see the authority in them, but I also see confusion. I know they don't view me as a threat, I look ordinary to them. It may piss me off, but I really am not a threat to them. The confusion I understand, I wonder have they ever seen a hairstyle like mine. I often use this spray the tips of my mohawk are icy blue.

Combined with my patterns, and way I act, my boxing coach, gave me a nickname. A nickname I kind of like, Ice Man. Because in his words, I'm cool as fuck, that and my hair, I was dubbed ice man. I guess the reason I like the name, is because I believe it suits me, I have very few people I trust. I'm also kind of cold, if I see somebody who has not been through something like what I have, and there moaning about their past, i'll view them as pathetic.

I had perhaps one chance at this, so as I looked into the eyes of the chunin, I refused to lower them, he may be stronger, and I may be afraid, but I refused to show this. As I walk forward I see the chunin approach me. He still stares into my eyes, a battle of wits, to look away is to communicate weakness.

A rough voice breaches my eardrums, "What is a civilian, doing out so late" My mind moves a mile a minute, they think i'm a civilian, why, I know I have never been here. I answer quickly, "I i i can't remember, I just remember being here". I touch my head where one of my scars, from a former fight is, I lost that one, a person threw a brick at my mum, he was aiming for me, I moved to shield her and it struck me in my face, near my right eye. My mum stopped me from going around the corner, he had his friends waiting, he was a coward.

My ploy worked, I see no hear the concern in the mans voice, "What happened". I smile, even though it does not reach my eyes. "It's ok sir, i'm sure I'll remember, you probably got other matters you need to attend to". I see the mans partner now, a female who stood at 6'1, in the dark I had thought she was a male.

I jerk back reflexively, I'm surprised, the woman seems to think its fear. "Its ok, no need to be afraid, were here to help". She holds out her hand, I take it after a few moments hesitation, I watch as the man leaps off somewhere, and I am brought into a building near the gate.

I can only imagine that the man has gone to get a superior, maybe a medic. I have no idea what will happen next, but I have calmed somewhat. As I sit down in a chair I realize I am so very tired, I refuse to sleep however. And so I wait for what is to happen next. And as I wait I wonder, I wonder if my coming here was meant to be, what is my purpose.

Chapter end

AN Thanks for those who support my stories.


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